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Archive for June, 2010

So about 10 years ago I sat in my seat, a stranger to almost every guest at the wedding, perm and bangs in tow watching the carwreck of a performance that the bride put on for the groom.  She was set to perform Christina Aguilara’s “I turn to you” – a romantic yet slightly cheesy ballad (perfect for a wedding) but after some technical difficulties decided to go with option #2- “Genie in a Bottle”.  As she winded her way down to the floor and implored him “you better rub me the right way”, I now have a permanent mental image and it haunts me!  Now, I’m not going to say that I would recommend this as a wedding day song today, but I actually think she was onto something with the Genie thing.  I mean, what if life was as easy as crossing your arms, twitching your nose and nodding?

I think that we all have things in our life that we literally believe and know can happen at any moment that we will it.  For some people, the second they want a boyfriend, they get one.  One of my best friends, May, literally decides that she wants a man, and he shows up – sometimes that very night walking down Granville street ;).  My mom always knows she’ll have a job – and as soon as one ends, she has another opportunity.  Another friend, Rachelle, can lose weight in a week.  She believes that if she stops eating one sweet a day, she will drop ten pounds in a week. And she does, and there’s no scientific explanation for this cause and effect in such a short amount of time!  For me, I always believe that things will work out.  And they do for me, and they don’t for other people that don’t believe that.  Which is what this blog is actually about.

Today I had 3 hours to get the following things done – wash and vacuum my car, go to my dr’s appointment (which took 1 ½ hours last time), exchange a gift, buy a gift, buy shoes, send 3 emails, do a load of laundry, pack, drive to the airport.  I spent about an hour last night figuring out how I was going to do it.  I looked at when stores opened, fastest routes etc and it literally was impossible. So Jill gave me some advice that seemed totally ridiculous.  She crossed her arms, twitched her nose, nodded her head and said “Genie It!”.

What?

No.  Seriously Jill.

“Just say it will happen.  Don’t figure out how beforehand, just say it will happen and then do it”.

But how can I do it if I’ve just proven, with mapquest and timetables, and routes and schedules that I can’t- it is actually impossible?

“Just try it” she implored me.

So I did.  I actually just went to bed and “Genied it” because I knew and had proven on my little scrap of paper that my way wasn’t going to work.

I woke up today and went and did it all.  And I mean all of it.  With some time to spare for facebook and cleaning my whole room!  It all just worked out and I could go into detail about how time seemed to stop and everything worked out so differently and perfectly than I expected, but it doesn’t really matter. In fact, it didn’t matter what I thought was possible or how I thought I was going to do it- it just got done 🙂  See, great minds have been saying this all along and we actually have so much trouble conceptualizing it that we do and try and work instead of just declaring what we want and GOING.  Less talk more action right?

Like winning a  medal.  I have no idea how to do it.  Why?  Because I have never done it before!  I can ask people that have and experts in sport, but my situation, talents and experiences are unique and are never the same as someone else’s or anything in the past.  So, same as everybody else in this world, I am treading new territory. I can set goals and objectives, but can’t get attached to one way or how things “should be” or what I have decided is possible or impossible because I might miss the unexpected things that the universe will bring me to help accomplish my goal.

And I think we all have those things in our life that we decide are hard or impossible and that is the exact place that we need to Genie It!  And if you are resisting this idea right now and want to tell me how wrong I am, consider that you may want to start with “Genie-ing” that this theory will work for you!  Cause this theory isn’t about being right or wrong, it’s about finding an access point to “a whole new world”…. which I think is the theme song to a whole other genie movie, right?

Some of the great minds (and their wisdom)- enjoy!

“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you”

– Matthew 7:7

“Men often become what they believe themselves to be. If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn’t have it in the beginning.”

– Mahatma Gandhi

“Where the world ceases to be the scene of our personal hopes and wishes, where we face it as free beings admiring, asking and observing, there we enter the realm of Art and Science”

– Albert Einstein

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All Dogs Go To Heaven



The three amigos - dangerously close to having more animals than humans in the house!!

Okay so I am totally one of those people. Yep… THOSE people.  The ones that stop any unassuming dog walker in midstep to see their puppy and that has legitimately chosen to date somebody for longer because in breaking up with them I’d no longer see their dog.  Yeah, I’m one of the crazy ones.  And ironically I live with someone who is the opposite- Jill is fiercely uninterested in petting a random tied up dog and definitely doesn’t think pitbulls are just “the cutest”!  Well, she might not be alone on that one 😉

One thing I know for sure, there are dog people and there are cat people.  And then there are just normal people.  I define a cat or dog person as someone that would have more cats/dogs in their household than people.  As in, if there was a revolt, they would be the loser.  And don’t even act like that doesn’t happen – sometimes there are revolts!  Like when the cats all start skipping the litter for the indoor plants and so in order to manage this we just put a plant near their litter… yep “their plant”.  Who won that war?

And you always know a dog person because they kind of look like their dog!  I don’t quite understand how it works – like the chicken or the egg phenomenon, but it’s totally true…  The big bald tattooed guys have bulldogs or pitbulls, old ladies have shitszu’s and poodles, and hot blondes have golden retrievers.  Just walk down by the beach and spend 1o minutes watching the dogwalkers!  My dog had the exact same hair colour as me, and eyelashes like my sister’s… and what does it say about me that I am now looking to get something obnoxiously big like a Great Dane or a Bernese Mountain dog?  Hmmm… am I letting myself go?

So back to being a dog person, our dog, Sage, had us completely trained.  She barked at my brother, which meant that he had to either a.feed her a treat, or b.take her out for a stroll.  She knew that when the phone rang a certain way (as in we buzzed someone up), a visitor was coming up, and she would wait at the door and follow the person around until they gave her a treat.  When my parents went away, she would stop eating, freaking me out at first, then exploiting my relief that she ate her food when I added gravy or soup to it.  Yes, she would eat like a queen for that whole week, then be totally okay with normal food once my parents came home.  And that’s what dog people put up with!

And with age, our sweet little Sage started to understand her role!  She got a little snarkier, a little more princess-like, and the rules no longer pertained to her.  Why?  Cause she was an old lady, and we treated her as we do all grandmas in the world.  We realize that they are what they are, they will never change and WE deal with it.  Sage was no different, and it became one of our household jokes, and truths 🙂

So when Sage had to be put down this week, life changed for our family.  It was like our matriarch was gone… kind of.  I say “kind of” because we also lost our companion, the one thing that no matter how we felt made us smile as she greeted us with a full-on tail wag, the one piece of our life that we took with us in our moves to the USA, Europe and across Canada.  We lost a dog that would pee on command (just say “Go”!) and we lost a dog that would NEVER break my dad’s rule of “no dogs on the couch”, even if my mom was the one calling her up.  We lost a creature that totally reminded us of the small joys in life as she would smell every flower, always avoid the rain (don’t we all!) and excitedly frolick in the rare Vancouver snow, snorting and tumbling around.  In short, we lost a family member and though I can’t explain it to non-dog people, I know that all the dog people understand what I’m talking about.

So Sage, thank you for sharing your awesome energy and life with us.  It made our family stronger, taught us what true unconditional love is and reminded us of where we truly sit on the food chain – at level 3 – two steps below God, and one step below dogs 🙂

Princess Sage in a classic pose! We'll miss you 🙂

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Yes, I’ve uttered those words.  In fact, I even broke up with someone by giving them a link to a song – Fergie’s “Big Girls Don’t Cry”. Yes, I know.  So dramatic 😉  And yes, so very very awesome of me…

It was something about these words that stuck out :

“The path that I’m walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps ’til I’m full grown, full grown
Fairytales don’t always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay”

Yeah try waking up and opening an email like that 🙂   – while I felt this in the moment, the truth was that I actually was just looking to break free.  I was looking for an excuse to leave and even though I pulled the “it’s not you, it’s me” story, I actually definitely thought it was him.  And I had to go alone.  aka… without him!

So if the truth for me was actually, “it’s not me, it’s you”, then why didn’t I see that earlier on?  Why was I wrong about who I thought he was, or how I thought he was?  And if I was wrong at the beginning, what’s to say that I wasn’t wrong at the end?

I think that how we view another human being is so interesting.  We treat our opinions, our observations and our judgments as totally real.  As if they are exactly as we perceive them to be.  And we call that the truth.  So what if the truth wasn’t so black at white and that “the truth” about who a person is for us, really lies in how we see them based on our own experiences and history.

One example that comes to mind is that every year at Nationals, we would go to the tournament with a vengeance out for one or two players on another team.  They irked us and we labelled them as cocky, or fake or bitchy, or whatever we decided.  And after the tournament was over, during the afterparty what inevitably happened?  We met them, we partied with them and in one night they became our best friend- so fun, hilarious, cool.  So did they change or did we change?  And seriously, if they actually were the way we initially thought they were, would all of the girls on their own team like them?  Of course not!

So I’ve been really curious about this notion that people are they way we see them based on the “glasses” that we are wearing – the glasses being our own thoughts, experiences and pasts that have nothing to do with that person.  And its why our best friend, who has excellent judge of character, may have another friend that we think is annoying or difficult.  Maybe they remind us of someone that we knew back in the day, or maybe they cause us to see our own darkest side.

I don’t know, exactly, but the question reigns… if people are how we perceive them, then can we simply perceive them differently and they will change for us?  Is that the basis of marriage counselling?  Focus on the things you fell in love with, and ignore the other stuff and you will feel the love again?  Not that the other stuff doesn’t exist, but the responsibility in changing our relationships is to change the glasses that we are looking out from – not in changing the person.

So maybe Fergalicious is onto something here.  Maybe, just maybe she has found a nugget of truth that it really is not you.  It’s me.  And in that case, no matter who is by my side, I am responsible for who that person shows themselves to be.  And until I own that, until I make that real in my own mind, I will be stuck with seeing a limited version of a person and will miss how diverse and whole and complete they really are.  So instead of looking outside for something or someone to show up, it’s time to take a look in the mirror and rock out to Fergie’s beat 😉

“I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you

It’s personal, myself and I
We’ve got some straightenin’ out to do”

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