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Posts Tagged ‘movie’

The infamous crop shot... signs of happier times???

So after my last blog https://leahallinger.wordpress.com/2010/01/11/no-you-dont-complete-me/ I said that in order to be successful we must be completely fulfilled regardless of the outcome.  Yes, a little altruistic, and a very simple ingredient to probably a much more complicated recipe.  Ali left me a comment that read

“so think you are on to something – but all I can think of after reading this is HOW. Yes, it all sounds great to live as “fully complete and fulfilled people” – but HOW do we do this? I would challenge that this is the hardest thing to do in relationships, as most people are significantly more emotionally invested in relationships than work. How do you retrain yourself from thinking that you do have something to win (happiness with someone else) and/or lose (confidence, a support system). Tackle this for your next blog”.

So yes, I’m tackling that question on this next blog – thank you for the inspiration Ali 🙂 

I want to start with my disclaimer… The truth is, I don’t know the answer to this question.  If I did, I’d save my answer for writing a book, it would be made into a movie starring Meg Ryan and Hugh Grant, and I’d be able to fund my beach volleyball career, sponsor free for the next decade…  BUT, I am committed to trying so here goes!

I think that the answer to this question comes from another question.  Are you playing life to win, or are you playing life not to lose.  It’s the same situations, same people, maybe even the same words and actions, BUT there is a different intention behind it.  I remember the most significant volleyball moment in my life.  We were in the semi-final at the National Championships.  I was in my 5th year playing for UBC and we were down 14-11 in the 5th game.  I was up to serve and my coach signalled for me to jump serve (a really risky but effective serve).  I really felt like I had nothing to lose – the game seemed out of our hands as we were one point away from defeat.  So I went for it – I hit the ball as hard as I could and I scored an ace.  14-12.  I did it again and they passed it over the net where one of my teammates hit it straight down back at them.  14-13.  And then something happened.  I started to think about what may happen if I made the serve, and what would happen if I missed.  And I tossed the ball up in the air,  a perfect toss- jumped up, and decided to take a little bit off the speed, just to be safe.  Just to make sure the ball was in.  So what happened? When I “took a little bit off”, the ball topspinned a little bit higher, which caused it to fall an inch out of bounds.  15-13 Manitoba.

Ironic that the one thing that I tried to prevent is what happened.  And it’s like this in EVERY aspect of my life.  That which I focus on, I create.  Good or bad, positive or negative.

So if you are afraid to be hurt, you will be hurt; if you are afraid you will fail, then you will fail; if you believe you have good parking karma, you will get the last spot.  This is the law of attraction, right?

So how does it apply to real life – how do we change our minds so that we play to win, rather than playing to serve the ball in the court?  While there are many ways to transform our thoughts, I’m going with a tried and true method called “fake it till you make it”.  Act AS IF you are the way you want to be and AS IF you feel that way.  Pretend your life is a play or a movie.  You are the director and you are the star.  What would the ending be, what type of conversations would you have, and what type of action would you take to get the job of your dreams or find the love of your life?  Would you be driven by risktaking, having fun, inspiration?  Or would you be worried about what someone thought of you, and how hard something may be and what you might lose if you didn’t succeed?  Remember that it’s YOU that has to watch the movie, so what would keep you sitting in the theatre?  The characters in the movies that I am moved by are not perfect and do not have it all figured out, but they always go out on a limb and they often fail before they succeed.  It’s not because of the job they get or the girl they marry… it’s that they played full on and there’s something so  real and so powerful about that. 

And if your life is a movie, you can always make a sequel, or a prequel if you prefer 😉  The movie is just that… 2 hours out of your life, and then more life comes.  It’s hard to take something so temporary seriously, right?  And that’s a good thing because the second we get too serious and too intense we lose perspective and that is when we start to play not to lose.  It might be like that Biggest Loser episode I saw last night where the girl was 3 steps away from immunity then started to think about it, and fell into the water; or maybe you are like me with your very own “Jacob” and you start to notice all of the things that may not work out in the future, so you kibosh the whole thing. (https://leahallinger.wordpress.com/2010/01/03/twilight-the-metaphor-for-the-modern-day-relationship/)  

As for the question about how to not get emotional about things that have an emotional investment in, I don’t think that’s possible.  Emotionally connecting with somebody is natural.  But the key is in remembering that moments come and go and change… it’s easy to remember an old flame and all the awesome memories and it’s easy to look at someone and imagine all of the possibilities, but that is only part of the story.  That’s the part of our brain that keeps us coming back for more!  Because if we really thought about the shit we go through in relationships, would we ever want to be in one??!  It’s like we have an erase button on all things negative about love – which, I believe, is a good thing in the long run but we have to keep perspective so that we aren’t disillusioned when we are dating and building a relationship.

So, after all this, my final answer to your question is:  Make sure, in every situation in your life that you ask yourself if you are Going For Gold or if you are  just trying not to be 4th.  And if all is aligned, go for it, and if not, force yourself to make a different choice, no matter how uncomfortable it is.

* check out the amazing things that are happening at www.vivvos.com.  We are going for gold in sexy brazilian swimwear!

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