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Well here we are – it’s 2013 and I although I haven’t written on my blog in over a year, it seems that somehow the amazing world wide web has continued to bring people to my site.  As I received my blog stats via email, I started to reflect on the past – when I started this blog, why I started it, and why I stopped writing.

I think it was a mix of things… I got busy (coaching)… I got very busy (moved, got engaged)… and then I got even more busy (work, travel, wedding planning).  In fact, being busy is the exact reason I have for stopping most things in my life that I probably should keep doing.  I’m not saying that writing a blog should continue forever,  but there was something very important and perhaps cathartic in expressing my thoughts, feelings and ideas.  Maybe it was simply creating something that I could reread, or getting thoughts out that I had pushed away in the process of being productive.  but I think that more likely, it was taking a moment for myself- to leave the outside world for just a moment, and create a little world by myself in a small cafe.

I’ve tried to fill the gap with things like yoga, running and lazy days watching Madmen, but in some ways these relaxing endeavors have taken a life of their own and have become sweat sessions at Bikrams Yoga, half marathon training, and a little too much online shopping to find outfits like Betty and Joan.  It’s funny how “productive” these little moments for myself have become!

So here find myself in another cafe being “unproductive”… and it feels awesome!  As I sip on my americano, and watch the misty rain drizzle on the window, I can’t help but reflect on this past year of successes, and announcements, triumphs and tears.  One thing is very clear- it was an awesome year!  It wasn’t perfect, but I grew and I changed.  And to be honest, it’s taken me till Jan.1, 2013 to really appreciate and think about that.

My resolution next year is to take all of my goals and ambitions and plans and relationships, and find ways to create moments to reflect on and appreciate what is happening with them right then.  I’m not sure exactly how this will change any of the outcomes, and maybe it won’t… but I do think that in the moments of craziness and busyness, if I deliberately take time to reflect, I will be reminded to stop, breathe, and notice that there is goodness and beauty in all of it.  The wins and the losses.  Because at the end of the day, it’s all about learning and growing.

 

I’ll leave you with an amazing little 5 step program! A daily resolution of sorts 🙂

 

The Five Reiki Principles

BY DR.MIKAO USUI

 

I – Just for today, I will not be angry.

Anger at others or oneself or at the whole world, creates serious blockages in one’s energy. It is the most complex inner enemy.

Letting go of anger, brings Peace into the Mind.

 

II – Just for today, I will not worry.

 

While anger deals with past and present events, worry deals with future ones. Although worry is not always a negative phenomena, endless worries may fill one’s head, and each one bores a small hole in one’s body and soul.

Letting go of worry, brings healing into the Body.

 

III – Just for today, I will be grateful.

Be grateful from your hart inward. Inner intention is the important element in this principle. Simple things as thanks, forgiveness, smile, good words, gratitude can improve others life and make them happy.

Being thankful brings Joy into the Spirit.

 

IV – Just for today, I will do my work honestly.

Support yourself and your family respectably, without harming others. Earn a respectable living, live a life of honor.

Working Honestly brings Abundance into the Soul.

 

V- Just for today, I will be kind to every living thing.

Honor your parents, honor your teachers, honor your elders.

Being Kind brings Love into the Will.

 

Happy New Years and all the best in 2013 – something tells me that this year is going to be a special one…Unknown-1

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I think I’ve said this before, but I love love!  Every part of it intrigues me, inspires me and challenges me.  As any and all of my friends will attest to, I love to analyze relationships, give advice (asked for or not!), and above all, I love to learn about the elusive chemistry that we are all ultimately looking for…

I mean, we are looking for that, right?

I think that it boils down to one thing, no matter what stage we are at in our lives- we look to connect in a world that is largely disconnected right now.  Whether we are looking for a life partner, a date, or a passionate finish to a tequila laden night, there is something in us that yearns for connection with another human being.

I always think it’s interesting hearing the point of view of a man on this, and I listen intently when I have the chance because I think it would save women a lot of time and energy if we just listened!  It’s why “He’s Just Not That Into You” became a raging hit.  If we truly listen (and not to the voice in our head), people will tell us how they want to connect.  It will always appear the way we want it to appear until we open our eyes and ears.  At the start of every relationship (whether it’s for the long haul or for a long night) people show interest, laugh, flirt, touch, text.  It’s all the same, which is why it becomes confusing!  When our own desires, hopes and perceptions start getting involved in defining another person’s intentions, that’s when we stop seeing the signs and absorbing the important information.

My friend Mae just went through this.  Tall, wildly bright and stunning, she would never know it if you asked her 😉  And though her humility is one of the things that makes her amazing, it gets in the way of her dating life.  She recently was seeing a man who, after giving her various signs of inconsistency and unreliability, told her “I will never be the man you want and need”.  PERFECT!  He gave her the information, right?  She can smile, thank him for an amazing time, and walk away to find what she is truly looking for…  It’s that simple, of course…(sure…!)

Well, here’s where it gets a little tricky (and it always does in love) – what if her goal is to have a relationship with a great communicator? She could take this statement as an act of great communication and personal introspection.  I mean, he kept calling and telling her she was great so maybe, just maybe, he’ll figure out that he actually could be the man she wants!

And then 4 years goes by and she realizes he told her 4 years ago…

I don’t exclude myself from this, by the way.  But I’m learning.  I’m understanding more and more everyday and I notice myself constantly interested in discussing love and dating with my couple friends, and helping out my single friends.  In my heart of hearts I’m a matchmaker, and I’m a coach 🙂 And like all coaches, usually the best ones are the ones who had to work harder, and be more technical about it.  The ones who just naturally and innately did it have trouble teaching others.

So I’m going to find a way to take this passion of mine, this deep down feeling of wanting others to have amazing, connected and fulfilling relationships and lives (whatever type of relationship or life they want!) and build something around it.  I’ll start with answering questions- sometimes with my own perceptions, but if I don’t know I will figure it out (I do have a pretty solid council of amazing women that needs something to do now that The Bachelor is over!).  Sort of like a “Dear Abbey” column on steroids…

Loving my new project and excited for where it may lead. Please feel free to send me any and every question you’d get a kick out of getting an “answer” about 🙂

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So I was hanging out with my friend Jill, and her boyfriend Ronny.  Basically 3rd wheel all day long, and while I’m not sure how they felt about it, I’m getting rather comfortable and content in my role as the tag along friend.  I mean, they plan the greatest dates together – sightseeing, hiking, great dinners out, and even a little home improvement shopping (which I always seem to be too “busy” for), and I really just get to reap the benefits of two people trying to woo each other… without any of the emotional involvement or worries about where things are going 😉   Similar to my friend’s new company, The Social Order (thesocialorder.ca), they have kind of become a social event planning service for me!

But yesterday I literally spent the day with them from 10am-2pm and as we made our way around the seawall, made dinner and sat around talking about all of life’s little mysteries, one very important topic came up, which neither of them had ever talked to each other about….

What is your number?

Inappropriate, maybe in retrospect!  But at 1am it seemed like the natural progression for our cute little date… and while I’m not going to share those numbers or stories here, another more interesting question came up…

How many people have you kissed?

And, if Jill is right that this number doesn’t matter, is a kiss really just a kiss?

Okay, I for one am going to admit something.  I find out everything I need to know about a guy when we kiss- is there chemistry, are we compatible, is there a connection, and does he keep his eyes opened or closed (my great-grandmother once warned me that if he keeps his eyes open, he can’t be trusted.  For some reason this stuck…!).  So, in my 15 years of kissing, here are a few observations I’ve made:

  • I know that if he immediately sticks his tongue in my mouth, he’s pushy and never dated a woman that spoke up….
  • If he kisses you for the first time and at the same time tries to feel you up, he doesn’t have relationship potential for you!
  • If he never uses his tongue, I think he’s afraid of intimacy. I mean, come on – how can you ever get totally lost in another person which your mouth closed?
  • If he gets all soft and passive, he thinks the work is up to you… AND this will come back to haunt you!
  • If he asks you if he can kiss you, you are probably out of his league
  • If he gazes at you before/after the kiss, he is hooked.  You never know how a person feels about you during the kiss -it’s what they do right before or after that gives you the cue about where they stand

So while Jill’s point of view is that a kiss is just a kiss, my point of view is that a kiss is never just a kiss.

The reason I love kissing is because it’s really intimate but PG.  It’s the carefree and fun way to connect with someone and experience them in a totally new way.  To me, there is nothing hotter than kissing in the rain, there is nothing more comforting than the first time he kisses you when you are sick in bed, looking like death.  And there is nothing more sexy than that moment, right before your first kiss when time stops, and you can literally hear the beat of your heart and feel the heat of his breath.

AND, there’s nothing worse than a bad kiss, especially if it happens with a guy you think is great.  Because if that compatibility isn’t there, the chemistry will likely die.  So, the question of the importance of a kiss becomes really obvious to me – it can make you or break you.  And, it is a totally learned skill, so you can get better and better at it.  Which is why practicing is really important – ha!  Okay, but seriously… what makes a good kiss?  Is there a kissing standard or template to ensure success?  For me and from my experience, the answer is YES and so here it is – the long awaited and much anticipated (or not 😉 )….

LA’s First Kiss Manifesto

  1. All kisses must start with a moment – a slight hesitation… just enough that you notice you’ve held your breath just a little
  2. Once you decide to do it, go for it.  No asking, no half ass hesitated kiss.
  3. touch them in some way- Hands by your side is slightly awkward.. BUT (please see 3 b)
  4. (3.b)  This does not mean you try to feel them up or put your hands all over them.  Keep it G rated or you lose all the impact!  And yes, Mae, I know you are going to TOTALLY disagree with this one!
  5. Let it end.  I know it’s awesome but don’t linger too long.  Just leave it at one kiss, because then you have something to look forward to – the first makeout.  And this has totally different rules 🙂

Anyways, maybe I’m old school, maybe I am one of the rare people that likes the idea of courting… but the power of the kiss seems to be lost and replaced with facebook flirting, suggestive texting,  plenty of fish, and the 3 date rule.  And it’s an art that is becoming obsolete – there is something to a build-up and the process that makes it magical and euphoric, and maybe we really understood that more when we were 14 and finally got kissed by that guy… and the kiss was the final goal rather than a step to something else….

And as I look outside right now, I think I may have to take advantage of this rain 🙂

Miranda Cosgrove- Kissing You

Sparks Fly, It’s like Electricity
I might Die

When I forget how to breathe

You get closer and there’s nowhere in this world I’d rather be

Time stops

Like everything around me

Is frozen

And nothing matters but these

Few moments when you open my mind to things I’ve never seen

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Edward and Bella in love

Today I had a bit of an unexpected skype conversation with a friend of mine, someone I used to date who I almost always have the most interesting, hilarious conversations with.  We started to talk about Twilight, which for some reason comes up for me more often than I’d like to admit, and he made a joke about which character we were.  I, of course, was Bella… mostly because that’s the only significant female character in the book, and he (in his infinate wisdom which comes from having NEVER read the book) was Edward… pretty much because it was the only character he knew – he actually called himself Rob Pattinson… as he knew the actor more than the character.

So I told him the story – keep in mind I’ve only read the first two books so it’s the story as I know it! 

Edward is in love with Bella, but he knows he is dangerous to her.  He loves her madly and passionately, then disappears.  To her it appears that he has deserted her, but in reality (and much to the relief of teenage hearts everywhere) he left to protect her, to give her what she “needs” and always shows up in the nick of time to save her from herself.

Then there is Jacob, her best friend, the reliable, stable, protective friend she has known forever, who falls madly in love with her.  He is always there, and the comfort she feels when she is with him is just on that line of friendship love and passionate love.

Lastly, there is Bella.  Bella feels a companionship and has so much trust in Jacob- she cares deeply for him, even trying to love him like she loved Edward, but to no avail.  He is the guy we all wish she would love but we know, deep down that she can’t because of her feelings for Edward. For whatever reason, Edward has her heart and she becomes super dramatic and obsessed with her relationship with him.

So, here’s my theory…  Men are either Edwards or Jacobs.  And women hate the idea that they may be a Bella… but are we?

In my 30 years, I have seen a lot of relationships.  I actually have very few married girlfriends, though a couple of my best friends are.  Most of my friends have played pro sports, and have led unique and exciting lives which include dating lives that are filled with adventure and drama.  To be frank, they date Edwards.  The guy that they are completely invested in right off the bat, intrigues them, is mysterious and perhaps unpredictable.  There is something about that which draws them in, no matter what his actions are.  And he is unforgettable.  When he leaves (which he inevitably does), there is always a place for him if he ever returned, having matured and become responsible, where they would probably give him a second shot.  That’s what Edward did to Bella.  AND, in my opinion, that’s where the fiction is different than reality.  Edward did become that guy in Twilight, but real-life Edwards do not.

But what I am noticing now, is that most of my friends are now in relationships and those guys sure aren’t Edwards.  They are stable, dependable, not the best looking  guy in the room (they are now a combo of smart, good looking, and funny!).  These guys are some of my closest friends.  They are Jacob.  And my friends aren’t settling… Jacob is great and we’ve all been secretly hoping they’d ditch Edward and find themselves a great Jacob all along.  Jacob is good for THEM, but why doesn’t the same theory apply for US?

For all of the single ladies out there the question is… when will we ditch the Edwards and find ourselves a Jacob?  And do we really want that, even though we know it’s good for us?  Are we addicted to the highs and the lows that we get when we are caught in a whirlwind and feel a little out of control.  Maybe it’s the only time we allow ourselves to be taken on that kind of a ride, so if we can find a way to do that in other areas of life (travelling, self expression, adventures, jobs) then we would be willing to spare our heart the pain of what inevitably will come.  We will avoid being Bellas…

I know I’m feeling over it.  At least in theory.  Dating Edwards does not help create my 2010 mantra of Bold. Beautiful. Brave.  I usually feel insecure, untrusting, confused, slightly obsessive and not in control.  It does not lend itself to who I am, and takes me down roads that I end up spending twice the amount of time trying to find my way back from.  Recovering from.  In training, what I’ve noticed is that PREHAB is the best REHAB.  If I spend a small amount of time and energy preventing injuries, then my season is pain free and afterwards I can focus on taking my training and conditioning to the next level.  If I just go hard, with no consideration of the consequences of not treating my body well, I spend 6 months fixing what is broken and I have so little time to get stronger and better.  My next season will already start at a deficit. 

Ladies, is this what we are doing in our relationships? 

So here’s my proposal…. that tonight, we go out with a Jacob –  And guys, at the end of the day, I don’t think you want a Bella 🙂

http://www.vivvos.com

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