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Posts Tagged ‘swimwear’

The infamous crop shot... signs of happier times???

So after my last blog https://leahallinger.wordpress.com/2010/01/11/no-you-dont-complete-me/ I said that in order to be successful we must be completely fulfilled regardless of the outcome.  Yes, a little altruistic, and a very simple ingredient to probably a much more complicated recipe.  Ali left me a comment that read

“so think you are on to something – but all I can think of after reading this is HOW. Yes, it all sounds great to live as “fully complete and fulfilled people” – but HOW do we do this? I would challenge that this is the hardest thing to do in relationships, as most people are significantly more emotionally invested in relationships than work. How do you retrain yourself from thinking that you do have something to win (happiness with someone else) and/or lose (confidence, a support system). Tackle this for your next blog”.

So yes, I’m tackling that question on this next blog – thank you for the inspiration Ali 🙂 

I want to start with my disclaimer… The truth is, I don’t know the answer to this question.  If I did, I’d save my answer for writing a book, it would be made into a movie starring Meg Ryan and Hugh Grant, and I’d be able to fund my beach volleyball career, sponsor free for the next decade…  BUT, I am committed to trying so here goes!

I think that the answer to this question comes from another question.  Are you playing life to win, or are you playing life not to lose.  It’s the same situations, same people, maybe even the same words and actions, BUT there is a different intention behind it.  I remember the most significant volleyball moment in my life.  We were in the semi-final at the National Championships.  I was in my 5th year playing for UBC and we were down 14-11 in the 5th game.  I was up to serve and my coach signalled for me to jump serve (a really risky but effective serve).  I really felt like I had nothing to lose – the game seemed out of our hands as we were one point away from defeat.  So I went for it – I hit the ball as hard as I could and I scored an ace.  14-12.  I did it again and they passed it over the net where one of my teammates hit it straight down back at them.  14-13.  And then something happened.  I started to think about what may happen if I made the serve, and what would happen if I missed.  And I tossed the ball up in the air,  a perfect toss- jumped up, and decided to take a little bit off the speed, just to be safe.  Just to make sure the ball was in.  So what happened? When I “took a little bit off”, the ball topspinned a little bit higher, which caused it to fall an inch out of bounds.  15-13 Manitoba.

Ironic that the one thing that I tried to prevent is what happened.  And it’s like this in EVERY aspect of my life.  That which I focus on, I create.  Good or bad, positive or negative.

So if you are afraid to be hurt, you will be hurt; if you are afraid you will fail, then you will fail; if you believe you have good parking karma, you will get the last spot.  This is the law of attraction, right?

So how does it apply to real life – how do we change our minds so that we play to win, rather than playing to serve the ball in the court?  While there are many ways to transform our thoughts, I’m going with a tried and true method called “fake it till you make it”.  Act AS IF you are the way you want to be and AS IF you feel that way.  Pretend your life is a play or a movie.  You are the director and you are the star.  What would the ending be, what type of conversations would you have, and what type of action would you take to get the job of your dreams or find the love of your life?  Would you be driven by risktaking, having fun, inspiration?  Or would you be worried about what someone thought of you, and how hard something may be and what you might lose if you didn’t succeed?  Remember that it’s YOU that has to watch the movie, so what would keep you sitting in the theatre?  The characters in the movies that I am moved by are not perfect and do not have it all figured out, but they always go out on a limb and they often fail before they succeed.  It’s not because of the job they get or the girl they marry… it’s that they played full on and there’s something so  real and so powerful about that. 

And if your life is a movie, you can always make a sequel, or a prequel if you prefer 😉  The movie is just that… 2 hours out of your life, and then more life comes.  It’s hard to take something so temporary seriously, right?  And that’s a good thing because the second we get too serious and too intense we lose perspective and that is when we start to play not to lose.  It might be like that Biggest Loser episode I saw last night where the girl was 3 steps away from immunity then started to think about it, and fell into the water; or maybe you are like me with your very own “Jacob” and you start to notice all of the things that may not work out in the future, so you kibosh the whole thing. (https://leahallinger.wordpress.com/2010/01/03/twilight-the-metaphor-for-the-modern-day-relationship/)  

As for the question about how to not get emotional about things that have an emotional investment in, I don’t think that’s possible.  Emotionally connecting with somebody is natural.  But the key is in remembering that moments come and go and change… it’s easy to remember an old flame and all the awesome memories and it’s easy to look at someone and imagine all of the possibilities, but that is only part of the story.  That’s the part of our brain that keeps us coming back for more!  Because if we really thought about the shit we go through in relationships, would we ever want to be in one??!  It’s like we have an erase button on all things negative about love – which, I believe, is a good thing in the long run but we have to keep perspective so that we aren’t disillusioned when we are dating and building a relationship.

So, after all this, my final answer to your question is:  Make sure, in every situation in your life that you ask yourself if you are Going For Gold or if you are  just trying not to be 4th.  And if all is aligned, go for it, and if not, force yourself to make a different choice, no matter how uncomfortable it is.

* check out the amazing things that are happening at www.vivvos.com.  We are going for gold in sexy brazilian swimwear!

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Today was a long day.  It’s Wednesday and the 3rd day of my new job, which, along with training, has somewhat kicked my ass 😉  I need to figure out how to… a.  get up at 5:30am so I can train in the morning or b.  be able to unwind enough after training at night to fall asleep at a reasonable time… any suggestions?!

I think that in the past in times where I have felt stretched to my max, I’ve sometimes found reasons to give something up – to stop doing some of the things I know I need to do to feel great.  Reasons why I should be feeling stressed and why it is justified.  I think we often do that when we take on big projects or multiple projects- we want people to understand why we are a little moodier, a little more tired, a little more flaky, a little uncommitted to the “extra” things like eating well, working out, returning calls, and making time for the people we love.  And then we get into this spiral of feeling crappier, and doing more of the things that are making us feel crappier, and feeling more and more justified in feeling crappier each day as we are working so hard!

So I was swimming today for a workout -it was supposed to be 45 mins and 60 minutes later I realized I had been completely lost in thought the whole time – I could barely even remember the past 10 lengths!  In my life, this has been the signal that I am distracted and that my priorities are geting mixed up.  It usually is followed with giving up something that is important for me to be successful.  I was “thinking” about what I did today, what I needed to do tomorrow, who I needed to talk to etc. etc. etc. and it masked the mindlessness that my workout was.  I needed to be thinking about my strokes, my times, my rest and my program for that one hour, which would have refreshed and revived me, getting me ready to tackle whatever problem would come my way in the future.  Instead I spent the hour consumed in the “what ifs” of the future. 

I know that to be successful, both in beach volleyball and in my job, I will need to be able to create balance, to focus in on exactly what I need to focus on in that moment.  Forget what happened, and what is coming.  Do what I need to do right now.

I saw this really cool quote that I am going to stay true to…

“Most successful men have not achieved their distinction by having some new talent or opportunity presented to them. They have developed the opportunity that was at hand.”
Bruce Barton

When things are busy, or difficult, or trying, we have to remember that there is an opportunity to be great.  It’s an opportunity to be great in everything we want to be great in, no matter what the circumstances, and these long days of work and training and designing with www.vivvos.com are a perfect way for me to develp the opportunity at hand 🙂

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Edward and Bella in love

Today I had a bit of an unexpected skype conversation with a friend of mine, someone I used to date who I almost always have the most interesting, hilarious conversations with.  We started to talk about Twilight, which for some reason comes up for me more often than I’d like to admit, and he made a joke about which character we were.  I, of course, was Bella… mostly because that’s the only significant female character in the book, and he (in his infinate wisdom which comes from having NEVER read the book) was Edward… pretty much because it was the only character he knew – he actually called himself Rob Pattinson… as he knew the actor more than the character.

So I told him the story – keep in mind I’ve only read the first two books so it’s the story as I know it! 

Edward is in love with Bella, but he knows he is dangerous to her.  He loves her madly and passionately, then disappears.  To her it appears that he has deserted her, but in reality (and much to the relief of teenage hearts everywhere) he left to protect her, to give her what she “needs” and always shows up in the nick of time to save her from herself.

Then there is Jacob, her best friend, the reliable, stable, protective friend she has known forever, who falls madly in love with her.  He is always there, and the comfort she feels when she is with him is just on that line of friendship love and passionate love.

Lastly, there is Bella.  Bella feels a companionship and has so much trust in Jacob- she cares deeply for him, even trying to love him like she loved Edward, but to no avail.  He is the guy we all wish she would love but we know, deep down that she can’t because of her feelings for Edward. For whatever reason, Edward has her heart and she becomes super dramatic and obsessed with her relationship with him.

So, here’s my theory…  Men are either Edwards or Jacobs.  And women hate the idea that they may be a Bella… but are we?

In my 30 years, I have seen a lot of relationships.  I actually have very few married girlfriends, though a couple of my best friends are.  Most of my friends have played pro sports, and have led unique and exciting lives which include dating lives that are filled with adventure and drama.  To be frank, they date Edwards.  The guy that they are completely invested in right off the bat, intrigues them, is mysterious and perhaps unpredictable.  There is something about that which draws them in, no matter what his actions are.  And he is unforgettable.  When he leaves (which he inevitably does), there is always a place for him if he ever returned, having matured and become responsible, where they would probably give him a second shot.  That’s what Edward did to Bella.  AND, in my opinion, that’s where the fiction is different than reality.  Edward did become that guy in Twilight, but real-life Edwards do not.

But what I am noticing now, is that most of my friends are now in relationships and those guys sure aren’t Edwards.  They are stable, dependable, not the best looking  guy in the room (they are now a combo of smart, good looking, and funny!).  These guys are some of my closest friends.  They are Jacob.  And my friends aren’t settling… Jacob is great and we’ve all been secretly hoping they’d ditch Edward and find themselves a great Jacob all along.  Jacob is good for THEM, but why doesn’t the same theory apply for US?

For all of the single ladies out there the question is… when will we ditch the Edwards and find ourselves a Jacob?  And do we really want that, even though we know it’s good for us?  Are we addicted to the highs and the lows that we get when we are caught in a whirlwind and feel a little out of control.  Maybe it’s the only time we allow ourselves to be taken on that kind of a ride, so if we can find a way to do that in other areas of life (travelling, self expression, adventures, jobs) then we would be willing to spare our heart the pain of what inevitably will come.  We will avoid being Bellas…

I know I’m feeling over it.  At least in theory.  Dating Edwards does not help create my 2010 mantra of Bold. Beautiful. Brave.  I usually feel insecure, untrusting, confused, slightly obsessive and not in control.  It does not lend itself to who I am, and takes me down roads that I end up spending twice the amount of time trying to find my way back from.  Recovering from.  In training, what I’ve noticed is that PREHAB is the best REHAB.  If I spend a small amount of time and energy preventing injuries, then my season is pain free and afterwards I can focus on taking my training and conditioning to the next level.  If I just go hard, with no consideration of the consequences of not treating my body well, I spend 6 months fixing what is broken and I have so little time to get stronger and better.  My next season will already start at a deficit. 

Ladies, is this what we are doing in our relationships? 

So here’s my proposal…. that tonight, we go out with a Jacob –  And guys, at the end of the day, I don’t think you want a Bella 🙂

http://www.vivvos.com

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